 Ah, the patter of tiny feet. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it is round the woman's neck. I made a killing on Wall Street a few years ago. I shot my broker. Madam, there is no such thing as a tough child. If you parboil them first for 7 hours they always come out tender. The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. (W.C.Fields) Bob Hope  Goof on the Golf course I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type. Once we didn't have a crumb in the house. We had to borrow a mouse from next door just to keep up a front. My father told me all about the birds and the bees. The liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was 21. You know you are getting older when the candles cost more than the cake. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. (Bob Hope) Zsa Zsa Gabor  Who has had more men than I have had hot dinners I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back. I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I get his house. Bigamy is having one husband too many. So is manogamy. (ZSA Zsa Gabor) Groucho Marx  Chattering swindler with thick eyebrows and mustache Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. You know you haven't stopped talking since I got here. You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle. When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at my face. That is the price she has to pay. One morning I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got in my pyjamas I don't know. I must say, I find TV very educational. The minute someone turns it on I go to the library and read a book. Though it is not generally known, I think it is about time to announce that I was born at a very early age. I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme povery. (Groucho Marx) Mae West  It's not the men in her life but the life in her men she is more interested in Why don't you come up and see me sometime when you have nothing on but the radio. Is that a gun in your pocket or are you pleased to see me? I like my clothes to be tight enough to show I'm a woman, but loose enough to show I'm a lady. I used to be Snow White but I drifted. I only like two men - domestic and imported. A hard man is good to find. (Mae West) Woody Allen  Geekie Jokster In Beverley Hills they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into TV shows. How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? Money is better than poverty if only for financial reasons. (Woody Allen) Roger Rabbit - Run, Run, Run  Could soon be eliminated with a gun, gun, gun I'm not really bad. I was just drawn that way. (Roger Rabbit) |